The Victory Path: Inspirational path to a life of victory and fufilment

Why Don’t You Want To Die?

I was in a church service one day, when the Pastor asked a series of questions. He asked the congregation, “How many of you here would like to die in your sleep?” No one put their hands up. “What of in a car accident, a plane crash?” Some people murmured God forbid. “Would you like to die from a slip, trip or a fall? What of from a bomb blast? A viral disease?” No one raised  their hands up. “Would any one here want to die from food poisoning or from hypertension, cancer or a heart attack?” No one put up their hands. The preacher then asked “How do you want to die?”

Hmmmn.. Let me ask you the same question too. How do you want to die? You’ll die some way, someday, even though you don’t want to admit it.


Not until recently did I notice that at least a person I know, whether close or far dies every year. Sadly, I can look over the past 4 years and point people that I knew, that are no more. Let’s now not talk of celebrities, those ones die on the regular. I have seen series of condolence messages, tears (I’ve cried a lot too), how people never expected or wanted those people to die so soon, how much of a bright future they had, and so on. There is nothing as hurtful and painful as the death of a loved one or someone you knew personally. The closer you are to the deceased the greater impact it is on you. The surprising thing is how we humans are wired, we always find a way to move on. People eat delicious meals at other peoples burials, it’s the way life is and has  always been. Sadly, one day you will die too, you may not know when exactly it would happen, but some day you will, and food would be served after you are buried.

Over time, I have noticed that we really care about how we die. No one wants the sudden death of car accidents or plane crashes, people say they rather would go through a long painful journey, like being on their death beds with sickness, so that they can make peace with man and God. Not all of us would be afforded that opportunity anyway. Know one thing for sure: death is just a passageway, a door to eternity. At the end of the day it may not matter how one dies, but where one goes when one dies matters even more; Heaven or Hell? (These 2 locations are very real and are in existence). We could basically say, we are here on earth to choose where we would spend eternity.

I know you still want to live longer, and you are probably scared of dying. Lets imagine God decided to ask everyone on earth a simple question, including you, and He asks “Why don’t you want to die?” What would your answer be? Think well about it now. Let’s look at it from Gods perspective, what can you want to do with your life that he hasn’t yet seen? I have asked a few people this question, here are some popular answers: “Ah I must marry and have children”, “Money must be made”, “I must be a billionaire before I leave this earth”, “I want to enter into politics”, “I have not even started my ministry here on earth”, “I must start my own company”, “I want to see my childrens children”, “I must enjoy this life, YOLO (You Live Only Once).” What’s your own reason? Why don’t you want to die? Take a pause, think about it, and write it out your answers in a special book, a piece of paper nearby, or you could even type it on your device as well. It can’t be one thing, or 2 things or many many more things.

What are those things that if you die without accomplishing it would pain you and make you feel unaccomplished? Okay let’s take another perspective. Let’s assume you die now, I mean right now (God forbid) and then as your spirit heads towards heaven, you meet an angel that says, “we’ll give you a chance to just hang around on earth for a little while as a spirit”, and he says “stay around things you would love to have accomplished while you were alive”. Where would you go to first? Your family? Your work place? Your book of unaccomplished goals, dreams and plans? Or the articles you wrote or thought about but you never published? Or the unique ideas only you had and you can only pray for someone else to get and help you accomplish? Would you go to the people you intended to teach a particular skill or vocation? Would you run to the motherless babies home, knowing you had a unvisited passion for them while you were alive? Would you run to the church choir knowing your voice was a gift you never utilized? Or you would run to seminars where you could have spoken? Would you run to the villages you avoided going to to preach the gospel even though you knew you were called? Or would you go to the church and sit there knowing you didn’t spend enough time on earth knowing God? Tell me what would you do if you were given extra time?

These are deep questions we all need to answer. Sometimes the way to finding purpose may not be from where you are right now to the end of your life, but from the end of your life to where you are right now. There is no time anymore, pursue all you have to do while you have the time, power and ability to do so. Every single thing you’ll regret not having done at the end of your life start pursuing right now, break them into bits and start following them gradually. It better to see the end of life while accomplishing the things you were meant to than to be caught unawares in a dreamy state of coziness, comfort and procrastination. Remember in all these things we chase after, there is a God to serve and an eternity to meet.

You don’t know what stage in life you are truly in. I have realized that age is beyond a number, but your true stage is determined by the end of your life. If you meet a person at the age of 18 and that dies at the age of 20, then you met an ‘old person’ about to finish his course on earth. If a man is to die when he is 80 years old, then at 40 years old, he still is a young man just having lived half of his total years. Can we know how long we would live our lives for? No! We can only, hope, pray and believe God, that we’ll live long while maximizing our potentials while disciplining ourselves to becoming all we were made to become. It’s time you lived a purposeful life. You answers to your lifes true purpose may just be found, when you answer the question “Why don’t I want to die?”


I would love to see your comment, I hope this message has helped you some way?

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Gods Time Is Not Your Time

Time is what makes us who we are, time is everything. There is a time and season for every single thing, all the way from growth to death. There is a time. What time are you reading this post? You’ll finish reading it at a particular time as well. Well, as we have learnt over time, time can be measured. Time is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years. That’s good enough, it’s all we got on time interestingly. The universe is built around time, so no one can say “I’m about to live outside time.” That would mean death. We have mornings, afternoons and evenings simply because they follow the time, its the same with the seasons. When someone dies, it is said that it is the end of the persons time on earth.

We use our wristwatches to know the time from time to time, although now our gadgets do the same job. There are some things naturally expected to happen to us at a certain age. Go to school, work, get married, have children, retire, leave a legacy and so on. I’m sure you all know this. But have you really wondered about what Gods time seems like? God operates outside of time (eternity), our own time features in Gods own time. But many times we just want Gods time to feature in our time, like “God please do this thing in my life at this time, don’t let me down” Sometimes God shows up and sometimes he doesn’t. When he doesn’t, we end up angry, frustrated and even bitter too because we think he has let us down, and its totally unfair because we saw others get what we needed. This scripture has really helped my perspective when it comes to understanding Gods time.

But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.  – 2 Peter 3:8

Let’s look at this scripture critically. While we have our way of measuring time. Here is how God does his own. 1 day = 1000 years, 1000 years = 1 day. Sorry folks while you can’t have the vice versa kind of time that God does. Now let’s analyze: God own day is a thousand years meaning 1 of Gods day = 365,000 of mans days (If we don’t count the leap years). What a long day you may say, but its to us it seems so. Between year 1000 and year 2000, was just a day to God. He was like “Phew a day is gone already?” Lol. We serve a great God. So in all our noise and enjoyment in life, how much of Gods day do we really have? If a man lives to age 80, which we can say is a good age, he has just existed in 8% of Gods day :) Which would equal approximately 2 hours in your day. Meaning if you slept for 8 hours per day, about 320 years on earth would have passed… Hahahaha, you see why God doesn’t sleep or slumber now? Now lets imagine again, do you know that the amount of people in the world right now, are all existing in the frame of Gods time. Like the man that lived to be 80 years,  has not been the only one alive in the last 80 years, the entire world has been alive as well in the past 80 years, which means the entire world has been in 8% of God’s day. So how much of a bother do you think your life is to God?? No wonder Jesus said in Matthew 6 that we should not worry about anything, food, water, shelter, clothing, Gods today is bigger than a hundred times of your life time.


The next part of this verse baffles me more than the first part. ‘And a thousand years is like a day’ Seriously?? Ehrm you would think that this part just means the earlier one we discussed, but one day I got a different revelation, that God has a thousand years in your one day. What this means is that God has more than enough time in your one day to do whatever he needs to do. He can make your day super super slow that he arranges, aligns and makes it the way he wants. Have you noticed how much detail God has and takes into perspective, its a lot. This is one of the things that makes me know that nothing happens without Gods knowledge. Many times we just think God has missed something, but we have just tried fixing God into our minds and comprehending him even though He is way bigger. God has gone through your entire life before you started living it.

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. 2 Peter 3:9

This is just a great close to this post. With the previous knowledge and revelation of a great God and his own time, don’t you ever think God is slow about his promise. “He is being patient for your sake.” I’m sure that sounds unbelievable to some people, remember when things didn’t go as you planned, and you said its how God wanted it, this scripture shows that God was simply trying to be patient for your good. And this is the greatest and most loving truth we can see from our great heavenly father “ He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” This is the reason why many people are given chances over and over again to try and make their lives right with God, believe in Jesus and accept him as their saviour. I’m glad I have accepted him, but have you? God is still giving you time. Don’t waste it.

“A day is ‘like’ a thousand years to the Lord” the word ‘like’ shows that a day could be or could be more than a thousand years to the Lord, its simply a sort of estimation. Our God is greater and higher that our thoughts, lets learn to trust him in our situations regardless of how joyful or painful they may be.. Always remember ‘Gods time is not your time, but we can only wait for ours to feature in His’. It’s a great thing to know that God takes note of us, He knows us even in the multitude. Never think he has forgotten you, he has all the time to move you forward, promote you, put you ahead, and change your situation.

I hope this post has helped and blessed you today? I would appreciate if you’ll drop a comment. Be sure to share this post and follow this blog by mail to receive alerts for new posts straight into your mail.

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Countless times, we have asked other people about what they think. We want to know how others think of how we dress, how we walk, how we talk, and how we think. Many of us are trapped in the web of impressing others, wanting them to think of us in a certain way. You may never be able to know who I truly am when I am alone, you can only be sure of who I am when I am with you. The level of personal time each person has, has bred a lot of hidden and secret things known to only the person and God. A lot of us live like we have only people around us to please and be accountable to. We think that whatever people don’t get to see or discover is left as a secret. I wish we knew better.

How would you live if you knew there was a crowd, watching you and cheering you up all the time? Being sad at your disappointments and happy for your successes. Imagine your life being on live TV all of your life, and there are people watching you all day long? Would you live differently? Would you be who you currently are? Would you be yourself or another that tries to please the entire number of people unseen to you? A lot of people on live reality shows on TV like the Big Brother House take a lot of solace in the fact that there is a reward for their labour in front of the cameras, and it is just for a short while.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Hebrews 12:1

This scripture lets us know that there is a cloud of witnesses. A witness is someone that is present when an event is taking place. Just the way participants in a reality show can’t see you the viewer, you can’t see this cloud of witnesses watching you daily. There is truly no secret, what ever you do is between you, God and these cloud of witnesses. It is just right to quit living for others, start living for Jesus, and start living for heaven. When you get to heaven, you’ll also become a witness. There is a reward for you and I too when we complete our race on earth; the crown of glory, eternity with God our father! What the cloud of witnesses are watching for, is you living and fulfilling Gods purpose for you here on earth, and also God revealing his greater glory through you.

Enough of pleasing man, we care too much about what man has to say. Not all men think right, and yet many of us are concerned with their comments, praises and criticism. The real question that should define our lives is “What is heaven saying and seeing about me? Do I need to improve on my current state? Can I change what is being shown of me by the hidden spiritual cameras ?”

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

I believe you can turn things around and do even better. All you have to do is let Jesus be the focus and everything about you will fall into place :)

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I was really really touched by this message by Gary Turk. I have watched it over and over and over again, and I was inspired every single time. I just felt the need to share it with you. Be sure to share this with everyone you know. It would make a lot of difference to them that you care. What are your thoughts on this video? Are you guilty of being caught up in the habit of looking down? What has this video made you observe? Can’t wait to see your thoughts at the comment section ;) Be sure to follow this blog by mail too. Have a great day as you Look Up! 👆👆

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Hey Phy, you need to read this.”

I got that text from my friend while I was sipping coffee in a renovated cottage-turned-cafe. It contained a link.

“This writer did a purity pledge,” The texts continued. “And has rejected all of it. You need to read it, and some of the comments.”

So I did, and as tears welled in my eyes, I knew I’d have to do what I really don’t like doing: write a response post.

The article was entitled “It Happened to Me: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t”. I read it in its entirety. The more I read, the more heartbroken I felt for Samantha (the author) and the twisted experience she relayed in the post. But my sadness was overwhelmed with a sense of utter urgency.

A lot of young women will read that post: young women who have made purity pledges and are waiting for an excuse to walk away from them. Young women teetering on the brink of sexual and spiritual destruction. Young women wondering if it is even worth this waiting-for-marriage.

So I’m going to battle for the other side because this waiting-for-marriage thing – it’s worth it. In fact, waiting for marriage to lose my virginity was the best decision I ever made.

(Note: this is a response post, so I am addressing the arguments used by the author of the original post linked above. I am not able to go into the details of variable situations, such as second marriages, instances of rape, or women who lost their virginity and have since come back to Christ. I will talk about these in future posts. Please read this understanding that many women get married without being virgins but have accepted Christ’s forgiveness for past sins and are living in His grace as renewed people. These women are as pure as if they had never sinned.

But for those girls yet to give themselves away, wondering if, prior to marriage, waiting is worth it – I am writing to you, because it is.)

1. My commitment to purity wasn’t to a church: it was to Christ Himself.

Samantha was either coerced or convinced into committing to a purity pledge in front of her entire church. This was the first mistake of her parents and her church at large.

We should not be committing to purity for the sake of a church. We should commit to purity for the sake of Christ. When we make spiritual commitments for mortal and material reasons, those commitments have no authoritative standard.

My commitment to purity was encouraged by my parents, but it was MY decision. I had to decide why I was committing to this. I had to decide whether or not to wear a purity ring. I had to decide who I was doing this for: myself, my parents, a man, or God?

I struggled with that decision. At times I DID take pride in my purity, but I soon realized my purity was not ‘my purity’. It’s God’s, and I’m doing it for Him or it’s not worth anything at all.

2. My spiritual identity, not my sexual identity, determined my life choices.

If My spiritual identity, not my sexual identity, determined my life choices. we make life choices based on only one part of our being – mental, physical, sexual – when those variable entities are altered by time and circumstance, our choices will be worthless.

Saving my virginity was a spiritual decision. Because it was a spiritual decision that affected my sexuality (not a sexual decision that affected my spirit), my whole life fell into step with my spiritual worldview. I wanted to be pure because my spirit was in line with Jesus Christ, who is the essence of purity.

3. My commitment to purity was not because it’s ‘my body, my choice’.

In her article, Samantha told her boyfriend she committed to purity and he respected that decision because it was ‘her body, her choice’. But what about when you decide ‘your body’ wants to have sex?

I made a commitment to purity because I am God’s child, and my body and choices were aligned with His loving will. Because I answer to Someone greater than myself, Someone I trust knows sex and the way to use it, I used it the way He says to. I waited until marriage.

God was good for His promise, and it’s been great!

As a Christian woman, my body is NOT my own (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I have been bought with the blood of a Savior. Every sexually-demeaning choice I make I consequently demean the blood of the Son of God. So because I valued Jesus, I valued His standard for sex. And I waited.

4. My failure to act purely in relationships prior to marriage brought me great guilt and shame, but that guilt drove me to repentance and a change of lifestyle – not a change of God’s sexual standards.

While I did go to the altar a virgin, I made mistakes in my dating relationships. I had one relationship with a man who threatened to leave me if I didn’t alter my physical standards. Having never faced anything of this nature, I allowed myself to be manipulated and gave more than I had hoped to give. I have never felt so guilty and used.

I could have decided that the guilt came from a lack of sexual identity. I could have told myself what I did wasn’t actually wrong – that it was just me being silly and inexperienced. If I had believed those lies, stayed with that man and given more than I did, I would never have had the beautiful love story I do today.

The guilt could have driven me to justify sin and change God’s sexual standards, but instead the guilt drove me to repentance. Because I know I have an Advocate in heaven (Heb. 4:11), because I know I am God’s child whom He loves (Jn. 1:12), and because I know I can approach the throne of grace to ask forgiveness (1 Jn. 1:9) I brought my sin to God and was reconciled to Him. He saved me from destroying myself and my love story.

We do not get to determine God’s sexual standards. Should you be naked with each other before marriage? No. Should your boyfriend have his hands in your shirt? No. Should you be ‘making out’ on the couch but sitting in the pew the next morning without a qualm? No.

We shouldn’t allow ourselves to demean sexuality this way. We should make every effort to keep a high value on something that God values SO MUCH he requires marriage for participation in it.

5. My commitment to purity made sex an exciting part of marriage to which I looked forward with anticipation.

The environment in which Samantha was taught about sex is the chief contributor to her painful experience. Sex was taught as ‘bad’ until her wedding night, when you say some vows and sex is instantly ‘good’.  My experience was far different.

Sex was a good thing before and after marriage; but I only participated in it AFTER my vows. Sex was never a ‘bad’ thing. My parents never whispered about it or acted as if it were taboo. I heard it preached about from the pulpit on occasions. I was taught about it in my youth group. The message was not, “Sex is bad! Stay away from it or you will be punished!” The message was, “Sex is wonderful, great, and God-designed – but it’s not time yet. Honor God and ensure the best sexual experience by waiting until marriage.”

So I looked forward to that experience. I knew it would be a learning curve. It wouldn’t be ‘Hollywood’ the first time or couple of times – that was true!

But sex was not evil: it was of high value. I was not taught to avoid sex out of guilt, but to protect it from being cheapened. And that’s how it was on my wedding night: an experience of the greatest value.


6. My wedding night was neither awkward nor guilt-ridden. I felt safe, loved, honored, and adored by my husband and my God.

Yes, it was physically uncomfortable. Yes, it was new. But contrary to the girl in the aforementioned article, I didn’t cry in the bathroom afterwards, and I didn’t feel dirty, guilty, or used. I felt as if I had run a marathon. I had crossed a finish line and received my reward.

My sexual relationship with my husband remains a joy to me, not because we’re masters or we know it all; not because we get it perfect every time. It was and is a joy because we are progressing in a pure, God-blessed love. I have no memories of anyone but him. I have no insecurities based on comparison to the past.

I am secure in my relationship with a Lord who loves me regardless of how my husband loves me, and because my husband treats me the way God has commanded him (with tenderness and care) I am continually surrounded by security and love.

7.  My virginity did not determine my salvation. It was a product of my love for God.

The writer of this article says, “If I had it over, I would have sex before marriage, and I wouldn’t go to hell for it.”

Theological error: we don’t go to Hell because we have sex before marriage. We go to Hell for rejecting Jesus Christ, which she admittedly has done since the writing of her article.

My virginity was not the determination of my faith. It was a product of my faith. I didn’t even think about my virginity, in fact; for the most part, I simply lived life learning how to be a woman of God. My parents poured into me. My youth leaders discipled me. My love for God and my desire to be a woman who reflected His goodness was my motivator. I protected my virginity because I loved God: plain and simple.

8. My sexual identity is inseparably tied to my identity in Christ.

The author of the article says, “Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours.” False. If you claim to be a Christian woman (and frankly, even if you don’t) your sexuality is God’s business because He designed you and He designed sex.

Sexual identity is front and center in this culture, which is actually quite demeaning since we are each so much more than a sexual object. But you, young woman: your identity is so much more than who you are sexually. God knows that. God wants to make you holistically the best person you can possibly be – not just the best person you can sexually become.

I was taught this principle. Because of it, my virginity was only a minor part of my Christian faith. Virginity, and waiting for marriage to give it up, was not a burden but an honor to me. It was as if God had bestowed on me a great gift to carry for however many years – a gift I would open when I reached ‘the finish line’. The more I ripped off the gift on the journey the less I’d have when I arrived.

And how, if I opened the gift too soon, would that be God’s fault?

The moments where I ceased to trust God’s goodwill and love for me were where I made my greatest mistakes. God’s design is for our glory and our protection, not a spoiling of the ‘real deal’.


Samantha says little girls want to believe in fairy tales, so I say: give them a fairy tale. Give them a God-ordained fairy tale, the beauty of a girl unbroken, unused, and unhurt. When Samantha recommends young women have sex before marriage, she is recommending heartache, brokenness, promiscuity, and potential abuse.

She is saying self is greater than God; that God doesn’t know what He is doing. That when God designed sex, He had no clue where it would best be used.

Despite the fact she has never experienced a man using her, leaving her, taking her virginity and dumping her like a rag doll, she recommends girls have sex before marriage for the sake of ‘freedom’.

She says she knows sex better than God, and girls will listen to her.

Don’t listen to her or any of the lies propagated by that post.

Let me tell you what true sexual freedom is: it is the freedom, on your wedding night, of knowing there is no longer any boundary. It is the freedom of knowing you are loved and protected. It is the freedom of pure, ecstatic appreciation of your beauty. It is the freedom of knowing the man in bed with you will not be gone in the morning.

God knows sex better than anyone else. His design is meant for love and protection. Follow that design, and it will be the best choice you ever make.

Written by Phylicia Delta on A great blog I advice you follow ;)

Hmmmn, I am more than grateful to Phylicia for writing this piece and canceling out the much wrong that the original post was intended to have, and the grip it was meant to hold on the minds of many. There is nothing as refreshing as the truth especially when it stems right out of Gods word. I am also very happy for the many positive comments shedding more light on the negatives of the original post by various followers of this blog, those comments helped more people than you can imagine. The Victory Path blog has shown me clearly, that there are still many of us ready to stand for God and what is right in this world full of vanity, lust and selfishness. We all may not be there yet, we all may be striving towards perfection, but one thing is certain, We would never give up for standing for what is right and is true.
How has this post helped you? What are your thoughts on it? Please be sure to share this post with many others, let’s cancel out the previous knowledge and wrong light that may have been placed in their hearts. You should follow this blog by mail for instant notification of new posts. Would be waiting to see your comments. :) Thank you

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I wish I knew how to write this article right, but I don’t know. I’ll basically just try to pass the message across. I was just hit by the news of the death of Robbin Williams, he really contributed to a lot of amusement, fun and laughter I had when I was younger and growing up too, this guy just knew how to get a good laugh out of me. It became so easy to recognize his voice when his voice was used in cartoons and animations like Aladdin, Popeye, Happy Feet and the likes. The movie that endeared him to me the most was his role in Mrs Doubtfire, as a father that was restricted from seeing his children, that changed and became a nanny, practically started wearing old women’s clothes and putting up make up and a wig, as a means to draw close to his kids. I remember Flubber, Night At The Museum and many more. He won many awards as well. One can’t stop but have fond memories.


That was all we saw on TV, a picture of a man full of life and bubbling in joy and happiness, but really, there was a lot more than joy and laughter on his plate in the real world. From extramarital escapades to divorces to addictions . It was beyond what we all expected. Yes, we all feel he could have done better and maybe, he didn’t deserve all that hurt, but he did. We all have our struggles. However, what blows me away is the end of his life. How he died; suspected suicide, because he had previously been dealing with depression! Its not like he was cracking some jokes, and he fell of the stage and that was it. He probably would have laughed if he watched some of his movies again, but why depression? One thing was clear, he had a good heart.


I could decide not to write a thing about his passing on, but this kind of sums it up for me. Its just amusing how majority of the celebrities end up dying! Have you not thought about it? Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, many more? Just think about it for a minute. There is just something lacking to the end of a seemingly ‘glorious and celebrated’ life lived on earth. Its not a great family, beautiful children, a lot of money in the bank account, flashy cars, castles or a mansion, not even popularity. Because in their last moments these things couldn’t save them. I see a very BIG void in the lives of those that are celebrated in our world today. It’s that void that is being filled up with drugs, addictions, lust, cars, acquisitions, fame, wealth, even giving to the poor and needy, trying to live a good life and making others happy. But those things are still not big enough to fill up that void.


I wonder why many of these celebrities didn’t just try JESUS and stick to him. The son of God sent by God to the earth many years ago to redeem and free men from their sins and give them a hope beyond their shortcomings, failures and death, here on earth, into a new life of peace joy, freedom and happiness. He totally sacrificed himself by dying on the cross and taking our sins upon him, that we may be free, he rose from the dead after 3 days to show us that sin and death have been defeated and we all are risen with him into a higher realm of glory. He then ascended to heaven, practically levitating into the clouds in the presence of many, till he could no more be seen. A sign that we should keep looking up to him throughout our lives. There is no better life than the life of the believer in Jesus Christ, we may fail, we may stumble, but it is sure that we would rise again. We can’t be held down by depression, and addictions, because we have a greater hope. I really hope you share this post with other people, that the good news can be spread all around that we don’t have to live lives that look good while we are dying on our insides. We all can have on our insides the Holy Spirit sent to us when Jesus returned to heaven. I know that when I die, that is not the end for me, the way many people think the end is. I’ll just be translated to my father’s kingdom, which I already was a part of here on earth. But I’ll have lost my body and my earthly look and thoughts, and become totally spirit.

My dear friends, I am writing this to you to show and tell you that there is a greater hope for you, someone that can fill the void in your life that you have been trying to fill with other things, and that person is Jesus. He doesn’t come to leave you hanging in the balance, he comes to reveal the plan he had for you before you were born, and to accomplish it with you. Consider Jesus today, give him a try, and watch the turnaround that he’ll bring into your life. He died for you.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!  Romans 5:8-10

I celebrate, the man Robin Williams today, but beyond that, I think and wonder for myself and for you too, what would the end of your life and mine would be like, after all we are currently chasing after to achieve and become?


You can reach me on:
Facebook: Vctory Odunjo
Twitter: @victoryodunjo

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“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship. As well as abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching, pornography, and actions that are known to lead to sexual arousal.”

At the age of 10, I took a pledge at my church alongside a group of other girls to remain a virgin until marriage. Yes, you read that right — I was 10 years old.

Let’s take a look at who I was as a 10-year-old: I was in fourth grade. I played with Barbie dolls and had tea parties with imaginary friends. I pretended I was a mermaid every time I took a bath. I still thought boys were icky and I had no idea I liked girls, too. I wouldn’t get my period for another four years. And most importantly, I didn’t have a clue about sex.

The church taught me that sex was for married people. Extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it. I learned that as a girl, I had a responsibility to my future husband to remain pure for him. It was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn’t remain pure for me, because he didn’t have that same responsibility, according to the Bible. And of course, because I was a Christian, I would forgive him for his past transgressions and fully give myself to him, body and soul.

Once I got married, it would be my duty to fulfill my husband’s sexual needs. I was told over and over again, so many times I lost count, that if I remained pure, my marriage would be blessed by God and if I didn’t that it would fall apart and end in tragic divorce.

I believed it. Why wouldn’t I? I was young and these were people I trusted. Everyone knew I’d taken the virginity vow, of course. Gossip is the lifeblood of the Baptist Church. My parents were so proud of me for making such a spiritual decision. The church congregation applauded my righteousness.

For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so, saying my testimony would inspire other young girls to follow suit. If the topic ever came up in conversation, I was happy to let people know that I had taken a pledge of purity.

It became my entire identity by the time I hit my teen years. When I met my then boyfriend-now husband, I told him right away that I was saving myself for marriage and he was fine with that because it was my body, my choice and he loved me.


We were together for six years before we got married. Any time we did anything remotely sexual, guilt overwhelmed me. I wondered where the line was because I was terrified to cross it. Was he allowed to touch my breasts? Could we look at each other naked? I didn’t know what was considered sexual enough to condemn my future marriage and send me straight to Hell.

An unhealthy mixture of pride, fear, and guilt helped me keep my pledge until we got married. In the weeks before our wedding, I often got congratulated on keeping my virginity for so long. The comments ranged from curious (how in the world did you manage?) to downright disgusting (I bet you’re going to have one busy wedding night!). I let them place me on the pedestal as their virginal, perfect-Christian-girl mascot.

I lost my virginity on my wedding night, with my husband, just as I had promised that day when I was 10 years old. I stood in the hotel bathroom beforehand, wearing my white lingerie, thinking, “I made it. I’m a good Christian.” There was no chorus of angels, no shining light from Heaven. It was just me and my husband in a dark room, fumbling with a condom and a bottle of lube for the first time.

Sex hurt. I knew it would. Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now.


When we got home, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. Everyone knew my virginity was gone. My parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers. They all knew I was soiled and tarnished. I wasn’t special anymore. My virginity had become such an essential part of my personality that I didn’t know who I was without it.

It didn’t get better. I avoided undressing in front of my husband. I tried not to kiss him too often or too amorously so I wouldn’t lead him on. I dreaded bedtime. Maybe he’d want to have sex.

When he did, I obliged. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy because I loved him so much and because I’d been taught it was my duty to fulfill his needs. But I hated sex. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to like it, because it wasn’t fair. I had done everything right. I took the pledge and stayed true to it. Where was the blessed marriage I was promised?

I let it go on this way for almost two years before I broke down. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told my husband everything. My feminist husband was horrified that I’d let him touch me when I didn’t want him to. He made me promise I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do ever again. We stopped having sex. He encouraged me to see a therapist and I did. It was the first step on a long journey to healing.

Ten-year-old girls want to believe in fairy tales. Take this pledge and God will love you so much and be so proud of you, they told me. If you wait to have sex until marriage, God will bring you a wonderful Christian husband and you’ll get married and live happily ever after, they said. Waiting didn’t give me a happily ever after. Instead, it controlled my identity for over a decade, landed me in therapy, and left me a stranger in my own skin. I was so completely ashamed of my body and my sexuality that it made having sex a demoralizing experience.

I don’t go to church anymore, nor am I religious. As I started to heal, I realized that I couldn’t figure out how to be both religious and sexual at the same time. I chose sex. Every single day is a battle to remember that my body belongs to me and not to the church of my childhood. I have to constantly remind myself that a pledge I took when I was only 10 doesn’t define who I am today. When I have sex with my husband, I make sure it’s because I have a sexual need and not because I feel I’m required to fulfill his desires.

I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality. If I could go back, I would not wait. I would have sex with my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I wouldn’t go to hell for it. We would have gotten married at a more appropriate age and I would have kept my sexuality to myself.

Unfortunately, I can’t go back but I can give you this message as a culmination of my experiences: If you want to wait to have sex until marriage make sure it’s because you want to. It’s your body; it belongs to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours.

By Samantha Pugsley on

Hmmmn, I came across this post yesterday and thought it would be important we discussed this. I don’t believe she is right, or that if she had the right knowledge she would be in her situation, the Bible is clear on things like fornication and adultery, and points it out as wrong. Sadly, Samantha is now an atheist because of her previous sexual beliefs. What do you think about this post? Do you agree? Or disagree? Or you agree and disagree? What do the scriptures really say about sex before and during marriage? Is the church really painting a dirty picture of sex to us that could affect us after we get married? Are we meant to be pro’s on our wedding night? What is the real truth about sex?

You should say something about this!! Kindly share your various views on this topic. As much as we don’t want to talk about this, it’s a reality. I would love us to drop clear responses, don’t assume anyone knows what your views are. Be sure to comment and  also remember that you can reply another persons comment. You could use anonymous or your initials if you so desire. Share this post too. Thanks :) You could also check out My Situation After Sex

You can reach me on:
Facebook: Vctory Odunjo
Twitter: @victoryodunjo

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