Its getting dark, I have been in his house all day. It’s very important I get back home tonight because of my busy day at work tomorrow. He sees me off to get a cab, one with full headlights arrives, and the driver asks “To where Miss?” “Lekki phase 2” I reply. I turn to him, he gives me a kiss on my forehead and says “Goodnight babe.. I had a great time today as usual.. Come around soon.. And call me as soon you get home.”
I get into the cab. An awesome day it had been as expected. There’s never a dulling day with Richard. His food is always delicious, and the sex, out of this world. Although we disagree on a lot of things, we agree only on a few things. Many times I wonder why I am still with Him. I once heard a quote “When there’s sex in a relationship, true judgment fails.” I guess its true. “Driver drive slowly please, why are you in a hurry? I am paying you, please take it easy.”
The way I currently feel isn’t normal tonight, its a little different from how I have always felt.. I have just desired a good relationship that will lead to marriage, but I don’t seem to be getting that. We have simply been having fun that has led no where. For over 3 years now, I haven’t met Richard’s family members, I have only met 3 of his friends. My girl friends have told me its going no where but I can’t seem to help myself. Right now I feel very empty! My body doesn’t feel like it always as. I feel used even though I have a guy that claims to love me. His words don’t console me enough, because his actions speak so much. Everything and every time we meet must always lead to sex!
I remember the last time I tried to let us discuss important issues and not let it all end up in sex. Richard got very very angry and refused to speak to me. I just kept apologizing, until he said it was okay. I took off my clothes, one after the other until I was bare before him before he could get excited. Another round of sex it was again with him, I was just glad he was back to normal, I hate seeing him so angry. Now, I feel like he has never treasured me or valued me as a woman, for what I am. I am experiencing the direct opposite of what he promised me before the relationship started. I remember the day I lost my virginity in his house, he made all sorts of promises, like he was going to marry me, he was going to be gentle, he promised the sex would be just once, that sex was just a way of expressing his love for me. I took all he said, and gave myself to him.. Now here we are 2 years down the line and he seems to be having a nice time not fulfilling his promises while I feel used!
The sayings of my late mum rings in my head clearly, “Any man that doesn’t wait for you, doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t appreciate who you truly are inside and only talks about how you look, he isn’t for you. Find someone that will treat you the way God wants him to.” I have obviously been trying to avoid her words, all these years, its now the truth sets in. I have stopped thinking about my spiritual life. My being in this relationship has dragged back my spiritual life so much, I always thought Richard would inspire me, but he is just a church goer, has Bible apps on his phone, i don’t think he uses them at all. Any spiritual turn I take, he gets quiet and when I am done he then says “Are you done with your preaching? Now let’s come back to real life.” I think I have had it way over my head now. “Your man must love you like Christ loved the church, he died for the Church! Can your man die for you? Or will he be first to take a shot at you?” my Pastor always said. I must get back to church, its been 3 months already since I last went!
I am deciding tonight to get my life back. Its never too late to begin again. I am more than a sex object, I am a woman God has a plan for, that’s why I am alive. I say enough is enough.. It’s time for a change!
“Driver stop here, yes here, you’ve passed my place already. Thanks, keep the change. Your cab was very useful”… I can’t wait to tell Vivian about my decision, she has always been my adviser and prayer warrior!
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